"The 11 Year Itch?"

This Spring my H and I will have been married 11 years; we dated on and off before that for about 4 years.

I don't know what I expected from marriage (and motherhood) but I feel like I am on a downward spiral lately. I am very grumpy and angry and sad.

Are people's expectations prior to marriage or a long (long) term commitment unrealistic? Are LTRs unrealistic? Does time flex and bend patience and love?

With 4 children (2 with special needs), a mortgage, a 2nd mortgage (packaged these days as "home equity loans") and all the other bullshit which comes with life in general, I feel restless. Confined. Longing for different? More? Less? My old life?

Is this regular housewife/mother thought patterning? Do we all go nutters after a period of time? I have been longing so much for just being. Alone. Out with friends prior to married life. Something not quite formed entirely in my head but I am starting to get tired of the daily grind.

The constant repeating of teeth brushing, hair brushing, lunch packing laundry...

Did mothers and wives in the past just "suck it up?" Do women of my generation want too much out of life? Is is the "11 Year Itch"? Can I get back safely to motherhood fully and a wife?

Even scarier, do I want to?